Agony
by lady tecuma
Summary: Oneshot, tiny bit AU. Wilhelm succeeds where others have failed...but it's at the price of his own heart.


**AN: **Here there be angst, character death, some sap...I wanted to work on my other fics but my muse said "No!"

Originally, this was going to be an alternate ending for YSBAG, but when I thought it over, it wouldn't fit well with the storyline. Then my muse bit me and I figured this could work as a stand-alone.

* * *

**Agnoy**

The office was eerily silent and dark, save for the outer lights of the ship and the stars framed in the windows. The only chair in the room was turned to face the windows, giving it's occupant a measure of privacy. However, there was a sound…quiet weeping, harsh shuddering sobs. They almost had a purity of their own, as if the chair's occupant had never wept before. Shudders racked the slender black-clad frame, so some violent that it seemed the body would fall from its hunched position on the chair.

"S…S…Shion…" The uttered name brought more tears, and Wilhelm buried his face in his knees, unable to hold back the terrible paroxysm of grief. "I'm so sorry…I'm so sorry! I didn't want to do it, I didn't want to…" Another sob escaped him. "I didn't…oh God, I didn't…"

_She looked at him, and that was when he saw the tears start to fall from her eyes…diamonds being born from emeralds, and his heart lurched painfully in his chest._

_"Why…why am I not surprised?" She whispered, her voice cracking. "It all makes sense now…what Mizrahi did to me, what happened with the archetype, Kevin, all that's been going on lately…you were the one behind it all, weren't you?" It was then he started to feel as if someone had slammed a hand into his chest, grabbed his heart, and slowly started to tear it away from his body…wordless, all he could do was close his eyes and nod. _

_"Kevin loving me…did you order him to do that, so I'd be easier to manipulate, to control? Did you even order him to marry me?"_

_"No…" Wilhelm whispered. "Kevin truly was in love with you, there was nothing on my part. I told him that his personal life was none of my agenda..." He opened his eyes, pain reflecting in the claret orbs. "And I cannot lie…I ordered him to treat you as how you were supposed to be, an object, a means to an end. But he couldn't…I couldn't. I told myself it was only a passing fancy, a way to get to know you better so I could have better control over you. I shouldn't have let the relationship get that far…because I started to care. I truly was lonely…and then you came in, full of light and happiness…" He bowed his head, unable to look Shion in the face. "I **wanted** our relationship. Even though I didn't deserve it, not with what I was planning, I wanted it. I wanted **you**. I was jealous of Kevin for having the parts of you I couldn't. I told myself: 'She's happy, and as long as she's happy, I'm happy.' But I wasn't…and when I had to kill him, a part of me delighted in it…because to you he was gone, and now I didn't have to compete with him for your affections any more..." An iron band had formed inside of him, pressing down on his chest, while the claws around his heart gripped even tighter and pulled even harder. He was delaying the inevitable, she had awoken, and now it was her time to die…the door to Lost Jerusalem would be opened, and KOS-MOS would finally awaken. He started to move closer, each step like walking through lead, his heart breaking as he faced what he was about to do. Shion looked up at him as he drew close, it was only her and him, was it not fair that he and he alone bear the sin on his soul for what he was about to do? Hands shaking, he framed her face, her body had been more or less fused with the Gnosis that was called Abel's Ark, all that remained was her upper torso and her face, the other limbs were held captive. Shion must have understood that there was no hope for her now; as he cradled her face in his hands she bowed her head._

_"Was…was our friendship a lie as well?" She asked quietly. "You saying that you loved me…was that also a lie?" The white-haired man shuddered as if he had been struck. His fingers curled into her hair, gently resting on the nape of her neck._

_"I never lied…about my feelings for you." Couldn't she see, couldn't she understand? He didn't want to do this, he wanted nothing more to free her from this prison, from the chains of enforced fate that he had bound to her…a sudden movement had him suddenly looking up. Shion had moved her cheek into his palm, her green eyes gentle as she looked at him. Unspoken words passed between them, and Wilhelm started violently, his eyes full of pain._

_"Shion…" He whispered hoarsely, how could she do such a thing? Unable to bear her gaze any more, he pressed his lips to hers, one final kiss between friends. His fingers tightened around the nape of her neck, the Ether incantation silent in his mind… _

A broken moan escaped Wilhelm, and he squeezed his eyes shut. How could she have **_forgiven_** him, after all that he'd done to her!

"I didn't…I didn't want to…" But he'd had no choice in the matter, no matter how much his heart had screamed _No!_, he'd had to go through with it. With Shion's death, Abel's Ark had relinquished it's stranglehold on Lost Jerusalem, the planet being restored to its original location, and the hyperspace gate to it opened…he'd achieved humanity's dream, but the price had been his own heart. The pain within him was all-consuming; he couldn't even breathe without feeling as if he'd swallowed shards of glass, and he felt as if he'd never be whole… Another wave of anguish washed over him, and the white-haired man choked back a sob.

"Shion…"

* * *

He materialized in the outer office, rage coursing through every vein of his body, his fingers clenched into fists within his gloves. Running through his thoughts as if on permanent replay was the reaction of his friends when they had discovered Shion's lifeless body amongst the remains of Abel's Ark…shock, disbelief…Jin had screamed his denial, rushing forward and gathering his sister's body in his arms, casting all the healing Ether he knew, but it was to no avail. MOMO had burst into tears, throwing herself into Ziggy's arms; Jr. had fallen to his knees in horror, and KOS-MOS… 

She hadn't stopped crying ever since.

_You bastard... _With one swift move, the heart of their group had been ripped out. Face grim, he moved towards the elevator. He'd make him pay…even though it went against everything that he believed in, that he stood for, he'd avenge his friend's death. Even though it wouldn't bring Shion back, nor ease the pain they all suffered of her passing…killing her killer had to count for _something._ Firm in his resolve, he stepped onto the elevator that led up to the Vector CEO's office. Wilhelm had crossed the line…But as the silver-haired teen walked into his counterpart's office, the sound of weeping had him starting violently. On alert, he scanned the room, finding it empty. It felt as if he had stepped into a tomb…this wasn't like Wilhelm at all.

_What is...? _Then the pain slammed into him, and chaos uttered a choked cry and fell to his knees. It felt as if his heart was tearing in half, his soul itself was bleeding, and not all the medicine in the galaxy could heal this wound… Dimly through the pain he heard sobs, and he forced himself to his feet. Staggering, he made his way over and around the desk…as his eyes landed on the huddled black-clad form, he gasped in shock.

"Wil…" The other man's shoulders quaked with suppressed sobs. "helm?" Gone was chaos' rage, his anger…instead there was just bewilderment, shock…pain…his other's self's soul had been torn in two, and he'd never be whole again… As if he knew he wasn't the only one in the room, the Vector CEO lifted his head, claret eyes brimming with tears.

"…So you're here to avenge her." His voice quavered, cracked, and he looked away, closing his eyes. "I don't blame you. I deserve to die." chaos's blue eyes widened. "I killed her…" The white-haired man started to rock slowly back and forth then. "I killed her…I didn't want to…I'd hurt her enough as it was, I wanted to spare her any more pain…" Tears were flowing freely down his face. "I loved her…I'd always loved her…" The teen stood there paralyzed, as the meaning of his counterpart's confession hit home.

_He…loved her?_ The awful horror of that situation was now starting to sink in, and chaos found himself kneeling, wrapping his arms around the slender frame that was shuddering violently…this wasn't a trick, the pain coming from the other main was too great, too raw…too pure. He spoke softly, trying to soothe his counterpart's pain, but knowing he was unable to, the only one who could was gone, long gone… Wilhelm's fingers gripped into chaos's yellow jacket tightly, and he slid out of the seat onto his knees, another wave of grief slamming into him.

"She…she…"

"She what?" The pain was too great, and Wilhelm almost screamed it out, it was so raw…

"She…she…she **_forgave_** me!" He howled. "She just looked at me with those eyes, there wasn't any anger…it was like she **_understood_**!" Anger boiled up, and his fingers fisted. "How could she! **_How_**! **_Why_**!** _Why, damn her, why!_**" To this chaos had no answer, he could do nothing but tighten his embrace.

"I'm sorry…" He whispered, that was all he could seem to say… "I'm so sorry…" The grief of him, of his friends…it was nothing compared to Wilhelm's own.

"I wanted to keep her, chaos…I wanted to keep her..."

"I know…" chaos's fingers moved to the nape of the other man's neck, grief was starting to take it's toll, the body demanding that it rest now so that recovery could begin. "Sleep…forget about all of this, if only but for a moment…" The ease at which his Ether spell was working on his other half surprised him, and his hands stilled as a thought entered his mind…he could kill him now, and so end all the strife and turmoil.

_It would be so easy…_ His fingers tightened around Wilhelm's neck, just a little more pressure…and then his counterpart would be free, no longer would he have to deal with this pain…as he moved to sit, torn over what he should do, a memory arose from Wilhelm's mind, chaos moved towards it, perhaps he could turn it into a dream so that his other self could sleep undisturbed…

_Their fingers were interlaced; he picked up her hand, noting the stark differences between their skin colors, her cream against his white, how small her hand was in his! Marveling, he shifted position, wrapping an arm around her waist and drawing her close. In reply Shion murmured softly in her sleep and burrowed even closer to him. A sense of peace filled Wilhelm, who had known you could find joy in the simplest of things? It was then, that he understood why some humans would kill for love, for their loved ones…whatever you did; it was worth it to have the other part of your soul beside you, with you…_

Tears picked at chaos's eyelids, and he rose from the floor, carrying Wilhelm easily.

"This wasn't fair." He whispered. "This wasn't fair to you or to her…" Biting his lips, he teleported easily to his counterpart's private quarters. Unsure if at any moment if one of the Testaments would suddenly appear out of thin air, he placed Wilhelm on the couch, pausing long enough to touch his forehead.

"I'm so sorry…" He murmured gently, his eyes downcast. "But…I can't grant you your wish…I want to, but I'm in the same position you are…" With those words, he phased away, leaving Wilhelm in dreams, where this hadn't happened, his beloved was still alive…as he headed back to the Elsa, an old song he had heard once starting to play in his mind.

_You always hurt the ones you love…the ones you shouldn't hurt, at all…_


End file.
